HARRY CAREY: Hello, I’m Harry Caray.
BOB COSTAS: And I’m Bob Costas, broadcasting to you from Flesworthy Field.
HARRY CAREY: Wait a minute. Aren’t I dead?
BOB COSTAS: Yes, and I mainly hang out at the Olympics, but we’re the first two sportscasters Jennifer thought of. So, Harry, why don’t you tell us a little about the newest sensation in Toddler League Baseball?
HARRY CAREY: Sure, Bob, you must be talking about Henry. This kid has been interested in sports for a while, but over the past week, holy cow! He’s suddenly developed an obsession with baseball.
BOB COSTAS: I was chatting with his mother before the game, and she said that he actually started sobbing last week when forced to go to bed in the midst of watching the All-Star game. He also asks his mom to “go outside play ball” first thing in the morning and apparently plays with anything he can get his hands on. He warmed up for today’s game using a toy drumstick and a plastic pretend Pringle. What have you heard about his stats?
HARRY CAREY: Well, he bats left-handed and has a .500 average, which is better than about 95% of the Cubs.
BOB COSTAS: Speaking of batting, Henry is up to the plate.
HARRY CAREY: Henry is using his patented “stand directly on home plate instead of the batter’s box” method, which I’m telling you, Bob, really throws off the pitcher.
BOB COSTAS: I’m sure it does, Harry. Not to mention that his “look off to the right while swinging” way of batting leaves us wondering how he manages to hit the ball. Yet he does half the time. This kid is destined for the TLB Hall of Fame, I’m telling you.
HARRY CAREY: The pitcher is winding up, let’s watch the first pitch.
BOB COSTAS: Harry, that appears to be Henry’s sister, Eleanor. She has interest in the game, but would rather “mow the grass,” as she keeps explaining to her parents. The field must need a little work. Those blue sidewalk chalk bases don’t draw themselves, I guess.
HARRY CAREY: Okay, looks like the game is resuming. Here comes the pitch.
BOB COSTAS: He swings…and it’s a hit! Henry’s already rounding first base in hopes of a double.
HARRY CAREY: And here comes groundskeeper Eleanor to help him run! This could be the first two-point home run in league history.
BOB COSTAS: So Henry, you’ve just given us an exciting day of baseball. What do you have to say to all your fans?
BOB COSTAS: That’s one determined little boy, folks. This is Bob Costas signing off.