Jul 302011
 

Just A Few of The Reasons I’m A Hypocrite

I hate to eat at chain restaurants, and in fact get a little snobby about it, yet approximately 54% of my body mass consists of McDonald’s Diet Coke.

I refuse to eat the skin on a baked potato, but my favorite appetizers are potato skins.

I detest corporate culture and business-speak, yet I love to read the newspaper’s business section and Businessweek magazine.

I’m horribly scared of the dark and can’t handle horror movies, yet I always get sucked into those ghost-hunting TV shows.

•••

Andy and I were watching an episode of The Larry Sanders Show the other night (which, side note: add this to your Netflix queue, it’s incredible; I mean, Rip Torn and George Bluth on the same show!) when I suddenly unearthed a longtime secret fondness for Richard Simmons that I never realized I had. He appeared in a cameo, and out of nowhere I found myself launching into a speech about how I love him. He’s quick to poke fun at himself, but his enthusiasm and support of others seems genuine. The few times I tried sweatin’ to the oldies I was impressed by his use of real people in the videos, not impossibly in-shape people who never get winded. I told Andy, “I think if I ever met him I’d end up crying and feeling good about myself.” Where did this sudden Simmons soft spot come from? I don’t know, either.

•••

I know you saw the announcement that Britney is playing Indy on August 22, and I’m sure you’ve been thinking, “I wonder if Jennifer got tickets?” And the answer is yes, yes I did. I mean, DUH. Time to bust out the “It’s Britney, bitch” bracelet and practice my choreography!

•••

Pretty Much The Only Conversation I’ve Had Lately

No. Sorry, Henry, I said no. No, you can’t play on the iPad right now. Because I’m using it. No, not just one game. Maybe later. Maybe later. Sorry, sweetheart, it’s not your computer. It’s Mommy’s computer and I’m using it right now. No, don’t touch that. Henry! I said stop that. No, you can’t play on the iPad right now. Listen, if you cry and yell about it then you won’t get to play with it at all today. Because it’s MY COMPUTER, that’s why. No, sweetheart, not right now.

  One Response to “Flesworthy Filler”

  1. ha! I love you and all your no sense making sense.
    And also, we have huge computer wars over here too. I’m pretty sure I’ll be fighting that one until the day I die.

Sorry, the comment form is closed at this time.