I never get to bed before midnight.
I’m on duty with Henry and Eleanor for twelve hours a day. Then they go to bed and I start what I call my “second shift.” I try to get caught up on emails or volunteer work with my multiples club and preschool or photo editing or blogging or running errands. Then I look at the clock and realize I’m going to see it hit 12:00 yet again.
This afternoon, after spending the morning at preschool and then coming home to start laundry and vacuum, I hit the couch to snuggle with the kids while they watched some TV. Except they decided they’d rather play, so off they scampered. I stayed put and parented from the couch for the next hour or two, and let me tell you, it was WONDERFUL.
It made me realize once again that since becoming a stay-at-home mom, I do a really shitty job at giving myself permission to put myself first. Now that my work is my family and my home, it’s like my to-do list is always right in front of me, making it hard to say “that laundry pile will be there tomorrow” and allow myself a night off. And with not much family in town, plus limited babysitting funds, any time I can sneak in for myself comes at the expense of Andy’s off-duty time, which adds a fun layer of guilt to my pity party.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m still thankful every day that I have the opportunity to be a stay-at-home mom. It’s still the very best decision for my family, for right now. And I can’t imagine how working-outside-the-home parents do it, I mean, it’s not like family and household obligations magically disappear when you’re at the office. So spill it, fellow parents: do you also suck at cutting yourself some slack every now and then, or do you have some magical secret you can clue me in on?
While I’m waiting for you to enlighten me, I’m going to attempt to hit the hay early tonight. Granted, it’s still 11:30, but it’s a start, right?